a grandpa drinking a beer is approached by his grandson, "papa i want to drink a beer", "your not old enough yet" grandpa says. " let me drink a beer" the grandson says. grandpa says, "can your dick touch your ***?" Grandson says "no." "then u arent old enough" says grandpa. few minutes later, the grandson come out eating some cookies. "can i have a cookie" asks grandpa. "can your dick touch your ***" replies the grandson. "sure can" says gandpa. "then go **** yourself!!" the boy tells his grandpa.....lmao

 

Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2 and 3 on legendary with a broken guitar hero controller.

 

I dont know if this is actually considered a joke but I found it to be hilarious

 

thats some funny ****^^^^

 

FROM MY GRANDPA...

OH! HELL!!! ... Let's Offend Everybody!

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal ... along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States on our team!

 

"Just don't let the trailer get too deep in the water when you're launching your boat, and you should be fine." Well, later on, he couldn't understand what they meant by that, as he could just barely get his trailer in the water.

 

failsauce

 

More of a joke story than a joke.

A little kid (around 7 yr old) in the neighborhood was over visiting my Sons several years back and we were all setting round b-sing and eventually telling jokes etc...

Well it got around to his turn, this was his joke and he told it as if he was President addressing the Nation with the best poker face I have ever seen from a kid.

It was one of those jokes where you are asked to guess the answer to some thing. It took about 15-20 minutes to get to the end of the joke and you almost just had to be there for it to really feel my pain.


Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Of course everyone took a shot at guessing all the obvious answers. He lost his grip, the vine broke, limb broke, wind was blowing too hard, slipped on a banana, some shot him with a poison dart, etc, etc, etc...

He kept saying no that's not it and re-asking the question.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

No matter what was guessed he would say no, no that's not it do you give up yet?

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

We are all a competitive bunch so after 10 minutes we finally gave up.

Well he then proceeded to say the monkey fell out of the tree because it was dead!

We are like whatever, come on, that's it? etc, etc...

Then he says all excited like WAIT, WAIT...

Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?

Or course since we are all so intelligent we immediately answer because he was dead!

He again starts with the No, no that's not it and re-asks the question.

Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?

This went on for probably 5-10 more minutes then we were frustrated and said we give up.

He says well you see the chicken fell out of the tree because he was stapled to the monkeys leg.

Silence filled the room we were all just owned by a 7 year old and would never get those 20 minutes of our lives back.

 

Little bastard.

 

a man marries a women whose name is the same as that of his first wife. one night while making love he says her name and the woman accuses him of calling out the name of his first wife. of course he in fact has called out the name of his first wife, but he has also called out his present wife's name. he tells her that he was not thinking of his first wife, but she says she knows what she heard.