How many animals can you fit into a pair of panty hose??????????

2 Calves, an ***, a beaver, a whole shitload of hares a camel toe and a fish no one can find LMAO

 

The fish one got me!!

 

Spoolin, I got an email with all of those in the exact same order. That last one was frickin classic!

 

Tattoo on my private

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Larry*gets*home*late*one*night*and*his*wife,*Linda ,*says,*‘Where*in*the*hell*have*you*been?’**Larry* replies,*‘I*was*out*getting*a*tattoo.’***A*tattoo? ’*she*frowned.*‘What*kind*of*tattoo*did*you*g et?’* ‘I*got*a*hundred*dollar*bill*on*my*privates,’ *he*s aid*proudly.**‘What*the*hell*were*you*thinking?’*s he*said,*shaking*her*head*in*disdain.*
‘Why*on*earth*would*an*accountant*get*a*hundr ed*do llar*bill*tattooed*on*his*privates?’**‘Well,*one,* I*like*to*watch*my*money*grow.**Two,*once*in*a*whi le*I*like*to*play*with*my*money.***Three,*I*like*h ow*money*feels*in*my*hand.***And,*lastly,*instead* of*you*going*out*shopping,*you*can*stay*right*here *at*home*and*blow*a*hundred*bucks*anytime*you*want !’*

 

H*a*h*a*h*a

 

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....'

Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.... The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.
'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....

BOB, wake up. You **** the bed!'

 

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

























Santa stops at 3 HO's.

 

a black woman walks into a tattoo palor, and asks if they can put a tattoo of Muhammad Ali on the inside of her left thigh and a tattoo of mike tyson on her right.

sure says the tattoo artist, so the woman takes of her pants and lets the artist get to work, so while she's getting her tattoo, the artist asks why she wants them. she says because my boyfriend loves boxing, and there his favorite boxers.

the artist finishes the tattoos and the woman leaves happily, she gets home and her boyfriend is watching boxing, she walks over to the tv turns it off, then tells him she got new tattoos, so she takes off her pants and shows him, he looks at them for a moment then says those look so REAL! especially the one of don king in the middle....

 

Lmfao!!!!!!!!!!

 

How is a woman better than a diesel engine?
You can start them with a finger, they are self lubricating, and they change their own oil about every 3 weeks.