Divorce Agreement
Apr 7, 2009 | 05:31 PM
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From: Hennessey, Oklahoma
Divorce Agreement
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
To all American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
1 Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
2 We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
3 We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
4 You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
5 We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. ... but we will no longer be paying the bill.
6 We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
7 You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
8 We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, we will throw in Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda for you as a gesture of good faith.
To all American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
1 Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
2 We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
3 We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
4 You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
5 We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. ... but we will no longer be paying the bill.
6 We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
7 You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
8 We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, we will throw in Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda for you as a gesture of good faith.
Apr 8, 2009 | 11:18 PM
#7
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I love the blind anger people have. It just shows that Idiocracy is coming.
The person that originally wrote that who was obviously a hate filled fundy christian who really has a sad slanted view on the world.
That said, i wish we'd just let Ca secede as its own insane asylum for eco-nuts.
The person that originally wrote that who was obviously a hate filled fundy christian who really has a sad slanted view on the world.
That said, i wish we'd just let Ca secede as its own insane asylum for eco-nuts.
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Apr 8, 2009 | 11:40 PM
#8
Its been tried my friend. back in 1861. I'm glad we live in a country were we can speak, or type what we think with out worry. Treason, is one of the things that has almost vanished in light of free speech.
Truth be told, the liberals need the conservatives, and vice versa.
I think its funny how people can go off the deep end though. Like '' Obama will pay my bills.'' and '' He is the next MLK.'' I also like how people say
''Obama is going to take my guns!!!'' and '' He is taking my money and giving it to lazy people.'' When the truth is he isnt paying anyones bills, nor is he MLK. In the same breath he isnt going to take away our right to have a gun, and 90% of the country, including you and everyone you know, are the ones who will be getting the benifets of this.
I like the story though... made me laugh and thank god that the election is over. Brings out the worse in people. Vote Ron Paul. hahaha jk.
Truth be told, the liberals need the conservatives, and vice versa.
I think its funny how people can go off the deep end though. Like '' Obama will pay my bills.'' and '' He is the next MLK.'' I also like how people say
''Obama is going to take my guns!!!'' and '' He is taking my money and giving it to lazy people.'' When the truth is he isnt paying anyones bills, nor is he MLK. In the same breath he isnt going to take away our right to have a gun, and 90% of the country, including you and everyone you know, are the ones who will be getting the benifets of this.
I like the story though... made me laugh and thank god that the election is over. Brings out the worse in people. Vote Ron Paul. hahaha jk.
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