Walmart shopping
Jan 17, 2010 | 12:51 PM
#1
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From: NorCal
Walmart shopping
Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart,(they were ON SALE) for my 2 dogs. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do,and I'm a jerk, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ***** and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard...WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore
Since I had little else to do,and I'm a jerk, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ***** and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard...WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore
Last edited by 1slow01Z71; Jan 17, 2010 at 02:13 PM. Reason: because Bill is lazy :D
Thats fab 
That is pretty funny however. ROTGDF! Vince
Jan 17, 2010 | 02:24 PM
#7
Funny story Bill, reminds me of a time back in college in the local gym...
I worked out at a relatively small gym, where I knew the owner and everyone who worked there, along with half the football team I played on worked out there too... it was a great hard core gym where the "average Joe" stayed away from. Well this one day this real kook was working out, it was my bench day, and my heavy day at that... this guy kept staring at me, and then came over and started bugging me and my work out partner... kept asking what our diet was, and how we got so big, blah blah blah...
By the end of the work out I was at the front desk talking to the manager and this guy comes up again, bugging me about tips to get big, I finally had enough of this guy and pulled him aside and told him... "Look, if I tell you a secret, will you leave me alone?!" He jumed at the chance... I then said..."Ok, here it is... each day after a workout, within 15 minutes I eat a lot of protien (which is true) but here is the catch... the best thing you can eat is... CANNED CAT FOOD" Well the guy was stunned and after a few minutes of convincing, along with my workout partner confirming my statements, the guy said, "ok, i will try it..."
The next day the owner of the gym called me and asked why I was telling people to eat cat food, and that he had to tell some guy with catfood in his work out bag that I was ******* with him... lol...
I worked out at a relatively small gym, where I knew the owner and everyone who worked there, along with half the football team I played on worked out there too... it was a great hard core gym where the "average Joe" stayed away from. Well this one day this real kook was working out, it was my bench day, and my heavy day at that... this guy kept staring at me, and then came over and started bugging me and my work out partner... kept asking what our diet was, and how we got so big, blah blah blah...
By the end of the work out I was at the front desk talking to the manager and this guy comes up again, bugging me about tips to get big, I finally had enough of this guy and pulled him aside and told him... "Look, if I tell you a secret, will you leave me alone?!" He jumed at the chance... I then said..."Ok, here it is... each day after a workout, within 15 minutes I eat a lot of protien (which is true) but here is the catch... the best thing you can eat is... CANNED CAT FOOD" Well the guy was stunned and after a few minutes of convincing, along with my workout partner confirming my statements, the guy said, "ok, i will try it..."
The next day the owner of the gym called me and asked why I was telling people to eat cat food, and that he had to tell some guy with catfood in his work out bag that I was ******* with him... lol...
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Jan 17, 2010 | 02:41 PM
#8
Funny story Bill, reminds me of a time back in college in the local gym...
I worked out at a relatively small gym, where I knew the owner and everyone who worked there, along with half the football team I played on worked out there too... it was a great hard core gym where the "average Joe" stayed away from. Well this one day this real kook was working out, it was my bench day, and my heavy day at that... this guy kept staring at me, and then came over and started bugging me and my work out partner... kept asking what our diet was, and how we got so big, blah blah blah...
By the end of the work out I was at the front desk talking to the manager and this guy comes up again, bugging me about tips to get big, I finally had enough of this guy and pulled him aside and told him... "Look, if I tell you a secret, will you leave me alone?!" He jumed at the chance... I then said..."Ok, here it is... each day after a workout, within 15 minutes I eat a lot of protien (which is true) but here is the catch... the best thing you can eat is... CANNED CAT FOOD" Well the guy was stunned and after a few minutes of convincing, along with my workout partner confirming my statements, the guy said, "ok, i will try it..."
The next day the owner of the gym called me and asked why I was telling people to eat cat food, and that he had to tell some guy with catfood in his work out bag that I was ******* with him... lol...
I worked out at a relatively small gym, where I knew the owner and everyone who worked there, along with half the football team I played on worked out there too... it was a great hard core gym where the "average Joe" stayed away from. Well this one day this real kook was working out, it was my bench day, and my heavy day at that... this guy kept staring at me, and then came over and started bugging me and my work out partner... kept asking what our diet was, and how we got so big, blah blah blah...
By the end of the work out I was at the front desk talking to the manager and this guy comes up again, bugging me about tips to get big, I finally had enough of this guy and pulled him aside and told him... "Look, if I tell you a secret, will you leave me alone?!" He jumed at the chance... I then said..."Ok, here it is... each day after a workout, within 15 minutes I eat a lot of protien (which is true) but here is the catch... the best thing you can eat is... CANNED CAT FOOD" Well the guy was stunned and after a few minutes of convincing, along with my workout partner confirming my statements, the guy said, "ok, i will try it..."
The next day the owner of the gym called me and asked why I was telling people to eat cat food, and that he had to tell some guy with catfood in his work out bag that I was ******* with him... lol...
