Something to Offend everyone!!
May 13, 2008 | 12:24 PM
#1
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,278
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From: Douglasville, GA
Something to Offend everyone!!
I got this in an e-mail, and I thought it was funny.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
>
> Q. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> A. Juan on Juan
>
> Q. What is a Yankee?
> A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
> A. The position of the dirt bag.
>
> Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
> A. Because it's worth it.
>
> Q. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
> A. One US leader.
>
> Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> A. Doughnuts.
>
> Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
> A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
> Q. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
> A. Because Janet Reno is her real father.
>
> Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in
> a room
> together?
> A. 100 people who don't do di ck.
>
> Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
> A. A golden retriever.
>
> Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
> A. Their personalities.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> A. 45 lbs.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> A. 45 minutes.
>
> Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
> A. None, they just sit there in the dark and be'otch.
>
> Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
> A. They can't stand criticism.
>
> Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
> caring, and
> good looking?
> A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>
> Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
> Who has the
> biggest *****?
> A. The blonde, because she's 18.
>
> Q. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> A. Because they have cotton *****.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> A. A porcupine has the pri'cks on the outside.
>
> Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> A. Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> Q. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> A. Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>
> Q. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> A. Mace will do that to you.
>
> Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
> A. Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> A. Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi
> A. He walks around saying "Yo."
>
> Q. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
> car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
> A. "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
>
> Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A. A different bar.
>
> Q. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
> A. They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
>
> Q. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
> the
> other?
> A. A speech impediment.
>
> Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
> half-mast?
> A. They're hiring.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> A. A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
> the cage
> along with... "a recipe".
>
> Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
> Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> fairytale?
> A. Anorthern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
> fairytale
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shi'it..."
>
> Q. Why is there no Disneyland in China?
> A. No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
>
> Q. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> A. Juan on Juan
>
> Q. What is a Yankee?
> A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
> A. The position of the dirt bag.
>
> Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
> A. Because it's worth it.
>
> Q. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
> A. One US leader.
>
> Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> A. Doughnuts.
>
> Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
> A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
> Q. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
> A. Because Janet Reno is her real father.
>
> Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in
> a room
> together?
> A. 100 people who don't do di ck.
>
> Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
> A. A golden retriever.
>
> Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
> A. Their personalities.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> A. 45 lbs.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> A. 45 minutes.
>
> Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
> A. None, they just sit there in the dark and be'otch.
>
> Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
> A. They can't stand criticism.
>
> Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
> caring, and
> good looking?
> A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>
> Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
> Who has the
> biggest *****?
> A. The blonde, because she's 18.
>
> Q. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> A. Because they have cotton *****.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> A. A porcupine has the pri'cks on the outside.
>
> Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> A. Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> Q. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> A. Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>
> Q. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> A. Mace will do that to you.
>
> Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
> A. Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> A. Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi
> A. He walks around saying "Yo."
>
> Q. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
> car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
> A. "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
>
> Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A. A different bar.
>
> Q. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
> A. They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
>
> Q. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
> the
> other?
> A. A speech impediment.
>
> Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
> half-mast?
> A. They're hiring.
>
> Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> A. A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
> the cage
> along with... "a recipe".
>
> Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
> Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> fairytale?
> A. Anorthern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
> fairytale
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shi'it..."
>
> Q. Why is there no Disneyland in China?
> A. No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
