Omg I Hate Coffee
Dec 6, 2007 | 11:29 AM
#1
Omg I Hate Coffee
I usually never drink coffee but today I was so dead tired from finals I decided to bring a thermus and fill that sucker up. We don't have any cream or sugar so I took it black and chugged that **** down in about 10 minutes. Well about 20 minutes later my stomach starts gurgling like a fat woman in a pizza parlor and the next thing you know I'm cutting 1.5 60fts to the bathroom 100 yards down the hall.
Man I dropped bombs like hiroshima and wrecked the toilet with some serious bowel disperses. I had to used about 10 feet of toilet paper! All the while some dude is in there wondering what kind of hideous monstrosity I must be giving birth to..
So I go back to my desk, wondering if getting butt raped in prison feels this bad and the next thing you know I have pee like a race horse. What the crap! So I b-line it back and unload. All the hustle and bustle to the restroom made my stomach gurgle even worse...
...Now I'm passing gas that would probably blow this building to pieces if it concentrates enough and someone lights a match. Not to mention it's lingering around my desk, choking my lungs like an unpaid hooker in a strip club.
I will never....drink coffee again.
Man I dropped bombs like hiroshima and wrecked the toilet with some serious bowel disperses. I had to used about 10 feet of toilet paper! All the while some dude is in there wondering what kind of hideous monstrosity I must be giving birth to..
So I go back to my desk, wondering if getting butt raped in prison feels this bad and the next thing you know I have pee like a race horse. What the crap! So I b-line it back and unload. All the hustle and bustle to the restroom made my stomach gurgle even worse...
...Now I'm passing gas that would probably blow this building to pieces if it concentrates enough and someone lights a match. Not to mention it's lingering around my desk, choking my lungs like an unpaid hooker in a strip club.
I will never....drink coffee again.
Dec 6, 2007 | 11:37 AM
#3
Oh man, I'm dyin laughin! 
That must have been some high octane joe that you had lol! I LIVE on coffee...take it with milk and sugar though. It will definitely keep you "regular"
That must have been some high octane joe that you had lol! I LIVE on coffee...take it with milk and sugar though. It will definitely keep you "regular"
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Dec 6, 2007 | 04:37 PM
#8
That's freaking funny as hell!
When I used to drink it regularly at the moment of the first sip I could feel a turtle starting to poke and I'd have to run to the bathroom too.
It definitely loosens things up a bit.
Try some Taco Bell and coffee for a double dose of the Texas Two Step!!!
When I used to drink it regularly at the moment of the first sip I could feel a turtle starting to poke and I'd have to run to the bathroom too.
It definitely loosens things up a bit.
Try some Taco Bell and coffee for a double dose of the Texas Two Step!!!
Dec 6, 2007 | 05:06 PM
#9
Adkoonerstrator
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From: Deep in the seedy underworld of Koonerville
LMFAO!!!!
One cup for me in the morning and I'm READY TO GO!!!! Two cups and I turn into a shaking, sweating, *******!!
One cup for me in the morning and I'm READY TO GO!!!! Two cups and I turn into a shaking, sweating, *******!!
Last edited by XLR8NSS; Dec 6, 2007 at 05:33 PM.
Sure....blame it on the coffee