I'll add periodically, but I'll start with a few of my favorites.

- Chuck Norris once finished "The song that never ends"
- Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris is the only person who can punch a cyclops between the eye.
- Superman wears Chuck Norris P.J.s to bed.

 

- Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of tic-tac-toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

 

dinosaurs went extinct because of the chucknorrissaurus.
chuck norris is not afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
chuck norris does not get wet, water gets chuck norris.

 

when Chuck Norris does push ups... he isn't pushing himself up... he is pushing the world down...

 

I'm probably gonna mess these up but:

*One morning 3 lumber jacks were walking through the forrest in search of the biggest thickest tree in the forrest. They finally found one that was much bigger than any other tree in the forrest. They began to saw and immediately the earth began to tremble as if an earth quake was starting.
The tree turned out not to be a tree, but Chuck Norris with a serious case of morning wood. The 3 lumberjacks were never seen from again.

*Chuck Norris once brought a baby lamb back to life, then suddently he threw the lamb in the air drop kicking it to an instant death, reminding those that: "The good Chuck can giveth and the good Chuck can taketh away."

*If Chuck Norris' drop kick doesn't kill you, the wind that follows will rip out your pancreas.

* Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father

 

Chuck Norris is so tough, that hanging in the bathroom where the toilet paper should be,
Sits a rolled up belt of 120 grit sand paper.

 

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,

Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

 

Mott's apple juice originally started as an inside joke between Chuck Norris and his invisible friend. His invisible friend bet him that he couldn't urinate into bottles and sell it to people.



Chuck Norris is the only Pokemon that can get out of the master ball.



When Chuck Norris gets horny, late at night, he crashes through bar walls, shouts "CHUCK NORRIS DEMANDS SEX NOW!" and does a single pelvic thrust, immediately impregnating everyone in the room.



Steven Segal is Chuck Norris' bitch. When Chuck Norris is hungry, he says, "Bitch, make me a sandwich," Steven Segal would then ask, wheat or white.



In the new version of Webster's dictionary, pages 300 through 12,300 are dedicated to the definition of hell, where there are 12,000 pictures of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris Flips You Off, Hes Actually Telling You How Many Seconds You Have Two Live.



Chuck Norris can **** through a screen door without touching a wire.



Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."



Johnny Cash, "Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die." Not to be out done Chuck Norris, "Roundhouse kicked fifty men in Austin just to watch them fly."



Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"



Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

 

 

Oh just a small actual fact about Chuck Norris.

My buddy lives 2 houses down from Chuck Norris. He actually is good friend with Chuck Norris' Nephew.