I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece.

I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece.

I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.

I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big truck.

I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund.

I think he was retarded.

In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals.

I laughed.

They punched me in the genitals.

I stopped laughing.

When I got home, I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to
their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the
couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at
first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hours.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died.

No apparent reason.

They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies 5 hours later.

Stupid cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.

It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet.

It didn't work.

It got stuck.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.

I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals.

That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.

It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber.

I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there
was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every
30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer do it didn't
go bad.

I tried to burn the, but little did I know that my bed was flammable.

I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my
freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile
on my bed, and the odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom.

So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.

I felt better.

I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates.

I told him I had a wet one.

He couldn't take it either.

I didn't bother asking about the two frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution:

I gave them as Christmas gifts.

My friends didn't quite know what to say.

They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.

Ingrates.

So I punched them in the genitals.

God, I like monkeys!

 

pretty funny.

 

 

I will never get those few minuites of my life back But it was pretty funny

 

WTF?!?! I thought I was dumb before!!!

 

I want my two minutes back.