1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and I saw a guy
crouching down behind a tombstone. I said "morning". He said "No, just
taking a ****".

2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and asked him
to forgive me.

3. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting
out "get this out of me? Give me the drugs". She looked at me and said, "You
did this to me you ******," I casually replied, "If you would care to
remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said "Oh no, it'll be too
painful."

4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual
checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she
told me "Because I am trying to examine you." & nbsp;

5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghanistan neighbor
Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I
shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it ****** start."

6. My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up
at me and said "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over
on all fours, stuck it in her ***, pulled out, flipped her back over and
came all over her face and hair. She was a little upset. I guess we don't
watch the same movies.

7. I parked in a disabled person's spot today and a cop yelled at me
"Show me proof of your disability." I shouted back at him, "Tourettes
syndrome. Now **** off you *******."

 

hahahahahahah

 

I cracked up at these two.

 

of course you would...
2, 3, and 7 were my three favorites.

 

I lol'd to all of em. good stuff

 

haha they are all pretty good

 

Good stuff

Made me a little less mad at my history teacher!

 

haha