How to handle the woman
Jun 30, 2006 | 08:46 AM
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From: Sittin on jackstands
How to handle the woman
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their "head"
and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while
she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get
a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I
think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their "head"
and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while
she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get
a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I
think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
I got that in an email awhile back, but it's still funny as hell! 
