dirt track racer 81

iTrader: (45)

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the
bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the
room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years
ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears."Mom , I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the
mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.. "It's okay" said
the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet
came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

dirt track racer 81

iTrader: (45)

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6am. While his coffee pot (made in China) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He put on a dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), designer jeans (made in Singapore) and his shoes (made in Korea). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India) he sat down with his calculator (made in Mexico) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (made in Taiwan) to the radio (made in India) he got in his car (made in Germany) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in Malaysia), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (made in BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (made in France) and turned on his TV (made in Indonesia), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.. AMERICA .....

dirt track racer 81

iTrader: (45)

A man is in bed one night when there is a ring on the doorbell. He goes downstairs in his dressing gown and opens the door to find a man quite drunk on the doorstep.

The drunk says "hello mate, can you give us a push".

The man says "no, its 2 o'clock in the morning, I can't give you a push, now clear off".

He goes back upstairs and his wife says "who was that?"

He replied "Some drunken bloke wanted a push".

The wife said "What did you say?"

"I told him to clear off, its 2 o'clock in the morning".

His wife says "Oh that's not fair, don't you remember when you broke down a few months ago, you wouldn't like it if someone had said the same to you".

"Oh alright then" he sighed and went back downstairs in his dressing gown. He opened the door and called out into the darkness "Are you still there?"

The drunk shouted back "Yes mate I'm still here".

The man asked "Do you still need a push?"

"Yes I do" replied the drunk.

"Where are you?" asked the man.

And a voice in the darkness replied "I'm on the swing".

viciousknid

iTrader: (8)

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on
the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."


She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished
it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it
was gone he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top! "You waltz in here, flop down, don't
even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave.
Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"


The husband sighed: "It's started

gmcdealertech

> The Headache
> The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your
> headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
> You have a very rare condition, which causes your ********* to
> press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a
> headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the
> *********."
>
> Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything
> to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
> When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the
> first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an
> important part of himself.
>
>
> As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a
> different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new
> life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I
> need... a new suit."
>
> He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new
> suit."
>
> The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...
> size 44 long."
>
> Joe laughed, "That's right. How did you know?"
>
> "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
>
> Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself
> in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
> Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
>
> The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and
> 16-1/2 neck."
>
> Joe was surprised, "That's right. How did you know?
>
> "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
>
> Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
>
> Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked,
> "How about some new underwear?"
>
> Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
>
> The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
>
> Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was
> 18 years old."
>
> The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size
> 34 would press your ********* up against the base of your spine
> and give you one hell of a headache."
>
> New suit - $400
> New shirt - $36
> New underwear - $6
> Second Opinion - PRICELESS
>

usarmyman

iTrader: (1)

So a guy owns a motel, and he charges $25 dollalrs for a room. Three guys come in wanting a room and the motoel owner thinks to himself that he can make a few extra dollars and charges them $30 for a room. Each man pitches in $10 and go to thier room. Well, later on the motel owner feels bad for charging the men too much money, so he sends a bellboy to the room with $5 to give back to the men. On his way up to the room the bellboy ask himself how he is gonna split $5 between 3 people. So he takes $2 and gives each of the men $1. So now each men have paid $9+the $2 that the bellboy has. 9x3 is 27 + 2=29, what happened to the other dollar???

dirt track racer 81

iTrader: (45)

>> A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently
>> with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for
>> its fishing.
>>
>> The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those
>> fish?"
>> "Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there
>> licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish."
>>
>> "Pet fish?"
>>
>> "Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em
>> swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into
>> these here ice chests and I take 'em home."
>>
>> "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."
>>
>> The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's the
>> truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."
>>
>> "O. K.", said the warden. "I've got to see this!"
>>
>> The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
>>
>> After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"
>>
>> "Well, what?", says the redneck.
>>
>> The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"
>>
>> "Call who back?"
>>
>> "The FISH", replied the warden!
>>
>> "What fish?", replied the redneck.
>>
>> Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we
>> ain't as dumb as some government employees.
>>
>> You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone
>> retiring and moving north.

Low_LSX

iTrader: (33)

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ***!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ***?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

dirt track racer 81

iTrader: (45)

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their ***** are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between " ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's ! not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If ! the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have ***** to scratch!

dirt track racer 81

iTrader: (45)

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.


The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in OKLAHOMA and I'm driving the
SALT TRUCK!"