team39763

iTrader: (3)

I'm asking here because I figure I have more in common with a lot of you guys. I'm sure a few of you have kids. This is my first one. My daughter is 13months, but she's really smart and understands things. She communicates in english, spanish, and sign language. She knows her first and last name and knows peoples' names and there relationship to her....michael-uncle, Emmitt-daddy, gabby-mama.
What I want to know is: Am I doing any harm by not spanking her? I can't seem to spank her for anything. My wife spanks her, but I don't. When I was a kid, my parents whipped us with belts, their hands, or whatever they could get their hands on. My parents were the type to give no less than 15 licks with the belt. I remember several times seeing my mom whip my brother until he couldn't think straight....he would just start saying **** that didn't even make sense. Everytime we got whipped, we didn't feel like our parents were disciplining us, we thought they were trying to kill us. We also got choked, smothered, beat, and punched. I just don't undertand how a parent could hurt a child to the point that they think their life is coming to an end. My parents always made one watch the other get whipped(I don't know why), so I had to watch and hear my brother begging for his life all the time. I guess that stuck in my head, and I never want to make my daughter feel that way. Does spanking really make that much of a difference? Me and my brother turned out completely different. I'm pretty laid back and stayed out of trouble, but my brother is loud, mean, and always in trouble. My wife was never spanked, but she grew up to be a good person.
Non of the guys I hang with around here have kids, so I couldn't ask them. What do ya'll think?

trever1t

iTrader: (14)

I never spanked my kid...and I was brought up like you.

Discipline is important but not physical.

What can a 13 month old do to deserve a beating?

No, tak, explain, time-out, whatever.

team39763

iTrader: (3)

She learned to say "****" from my inlaws. She also likes to mess with electrical outlets(which now have plastic plugs in them). Sometimes she will hit my wife or other kids. She also likes to press all the buttons on the TV. She understands "no" and "don't touch". I get mad at her sometimes, but I can't make myself spank her no matter what. I don't want to send her the wrong message. But I'm worried that she might grow up as bad as my family and the inlaws(cursing, fighting, stealing, and lying).

ap2002

iTrader: (8)

looks like you got a very smart kid! and that is something to be really proud of, she is just being a baby, which she is!! she's only 13months!! I spanked my son when he was like 4.5yrs, but just one spank, just to grab his attention, and now I spank him very very little, ex. when he first started kinder, he was fighting with all the kids in his class so we I had to get his attention again, seemed to work, but the thing that I noticed to work more was "quite time", ever since he was like 3yrs old, when ever he would not listen he would have to go to his room and sit in a little chair for 5mins, that seemed to kill him everytime!! but I wouldnt worry if I was you, she is only 13months!!

leochevy2001

iTrader: (6)

only thing i can say is, if you ever do spank her, use control.
'cause to me, your parents didn' have it.
for them to choke you and stuff, that isn't control.
and like you said yourself, you didn't feel like you were getting punished and that they were trying to kill you.
i admit, i spank my children but i use control.
and after i do, i explain to them why they were spanked.
so that they know not to do what they were doing again.
i'm not going to say that you are doing wrong by not spanking her but you do need to use some sort of punishment or disipline.
add for your wife to spank and you not to will give her mixed signals and feelings from both of you.
your wife and you need to come to an agreement on how you will disipline your daughter .

team39763

iTrader: (3)

I agree, my parents were out of control. They used to brag about how bad they could whoop us...."haha, I whooped him so bad he can't sit down" or "look, he can't even walk straight". They enjoyed seeing us in pain. I never want to be like that.
Is she too young to spank anyway? My parents always said you gotta get'em young before they get set in the habit of being bad/doing whatever they want. My daughter is pretty smart for her age and she usually knows why she's in trouble.
My wife usually just gives her a little smack on the hand. Is that acceptable? Me and my wife talked and I told her that if she was gonna spank her, it shouldn't take 15+ blows to get the point across. I think the point of spanking is to get their attention like AP said. So we agreed 1 or 2 is all it takes. I just don't feel comfortable spanking her right now. Like was said, she is still a baby, so maybe when she gets older.

sickREDsierra

iTrader: (17)

man, my old man did that same ****, and he loved to do it with all my friends around so they could see how tuff he was. to this day, that is his biggest regret. we get along, and i let him hang around my son...but i wont let him keep my boy overnight. i dont trust him with that.

i think a hand pop and an explanation is good enough, and i always try other means besides a hard spanking or beating, cause it never made me feel like i did something wrong, just made me hate my dad.

i try to watch that show with the fat british nanny, she has some great methods for out of control kids... so if your child is already intelligent, i am sure she would learn the boundaries quickly. take away priveleges, ignore them and make them sit by themselves...thats the best IMO. then hug them, tell em you love em, and tell them why you disciplined them.

Silver-Dollar

iTrader: (1)

First, at 13 months a spanking is not warranted. If you do not want her touching your ****, move to where she cant get to it. Secondly, you and your wife need to discipline the same way.

Wonder why she retaliates against her and not you. Mark my words, sometime in the next year, your wife is going to blame you for the way your child treats her and that you undermind everything she does.

Is your wife on anti-depressants?

BlackGMC

iTrader: (31)

IMO spanking at 13 months is not neccessary and probably harmful. Now on the other hand, spanking as they get older IMO really depends on the kids personality... I was spanked when I was younger, even thou it did no good... Several times growing up I would get a spanking and start laughing afterwards or say "Is that all you got??". It really pissed off my parents... Eventually they stopped becuase it did not good. Since spanking did not work they started removing stuff from my room, after awhile it was just a bed in there, that finally got threw to me. Needless to say my parents did a great job raising me, even thou I was a complete handful. IMO discipling kids is different for each kid, you need to find that one thing that will get threw to them without beating them that will make them know they have screwed up....

Injected1

iTrader: (4)

First I will admit I don't have kids. But I say at 13mo a quick slap on the bottom is not over the line. If she does something wrong intentionally, 2 or 3 or more is not over the line. You have to inflict enough pain that they understand they did something wrong, but not enough for them to loose focus on what they did wrong. Then once they have been spanked make the explain to you that they understand what they did wrong and make them explain it to you. That was always the hardest part for me explaining why I just got my a$$ beat. Always make sure it's an immediate response, it has been my experience that if it occurs much later it looses effectiveness. Making them explain why you spanked them I think helps prevent a feeling of loathing. It helps them to realize "he wouldn't have to do that if I didn't do this".