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Jun 27, 2005 | 11:54 AM

PappyDan

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Tribe Shaman

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From: Texas

first joke

share this before but it was removed due to being placed in the wrong forum.

This is a HOOT!!!!!!

>HOW TO POOP AT WORK
> >As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the
> >WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping
> >at work, following is the survival guide
> >for taking a dump at the office.
> >
> >CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast
> >around the office so the smell is not in your
> >area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
> >know where it came from. Be careful when you do this.
> > Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
> >Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
> >your pants.
> >
> >FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before
> >pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If
> >there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
> >back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
> >FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
> >constantly going into the bathroom.
> >
> >ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak
> >at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This
> >is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> >embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
> >acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If
> >you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
> >pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.
> > It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
> >or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
> >
> >JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out
> >at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect
> >of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
> >not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> >left the bathroom to spare everyone
> >the awkwardness of what just occurred.
> >
> >COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the
> >instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the
> >amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
> >bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught
> >doing the WALK OF SHAME.
> >
> >WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to
> >the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom.
> >This can be a very uncomfortable moment
> >if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts,
> >it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
> >Can be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
> >
> >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at
> >work and is darn proud of it. You will often see
> >an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with
> >a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always
> >look around the office for the Out Of The Closet
> >Pooper before entering the bathroom.
> >
> >SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in
> >the building where you can least expect visitors. Try
> >floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
> >This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper
> >entering your bathroom.
> >
> >TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you
> >are in the stall and tries to force the door open.
> >This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
> >moments that can occur when taking a poop at work.
> >If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd
> >Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
> >uncomfortable eye contact.
> >
> >CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants
> >into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be
> >used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential
> >Turd Burglars. Very effective
> >when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
> >
> >ASTAIRE: A subtle ! toe-tap that is used to alert
> >potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a
> >stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
> >is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the
> >bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
> >
> >WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash
> >when hitting the toilet water. This is also an
> >embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
> >coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
> >
> >HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates
> >a series of loud splashes in the toilet water.
> >Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
> >Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
> >
> >UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger
> >around forever. Could spend extended lengths of
> >time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
> >pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax
> >while on the crapper, as you should always wait
> >to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you
> >as well as the other bathroom attendees.